Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
