and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
