if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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