I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
