woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
