tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
