then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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