Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
