oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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