I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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