it was like his penis was on wheels.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's even glitter on my cock...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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