I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
