So drunk its hurt
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
