apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
