Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
