It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I looked at my own cervix.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
