you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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