One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
