i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
