That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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