I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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