My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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