The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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