The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
