the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
