tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Terrible idea I love it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
