this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
