she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Randomize
