I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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