They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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