ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
