I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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