angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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