I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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