i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
