I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
