We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.