He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.