Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  enjoy the hospital

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  (574): New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy (860): enjoy the hospital http://tfl.nu/9tp2
  Replies (7) Good night (2311) Bad night (760)
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  (510): View more from California

  my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum

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  (510): my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum http://tfl.nu/or47
  Replies (20) Good night (756) Bad night (4309)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position

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  (925): I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position http://tfl.nu/2xnt
  Replies (15) Good night (1204) Bad night (4473)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm

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  (717): Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm http://tfl.nu/ao4q
  Replies (38) Good night (4515) Bad night (2060)
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  (516): View more from New York

  until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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  (516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p
  Replies (13) Good night (3752) Bad night (1196)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..

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  (952): Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day.. http://tfl.nu/4gef
  Replies (25) Good night (3861) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3331) Bad night (987)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?

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  (610): Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar? http://tfl.nu/upld
  Replies (9) Good night (1016) Bad night (2982)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.

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  (614): Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok. http://tfl.nu/bya3
  Replies (6) Good night (1721) Bad night (802)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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  (252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1261) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

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  (913): He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/52qd
  Replies (3) Good night (742) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"

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  (+61): I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs" http://tfl.nu/gwkh
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.

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  (423): Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill. http://tfl.nu/tqj8
  Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.

  (713): View more from Texas

  They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.

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  (713): He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings. (713): They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge. http://tfl.nu/nsnt
  Replies (2) Good night (916) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.

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  (773): Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine. http://tfl.nu/87vg
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (735)

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