I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
where are you?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.