I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner