Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary

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  (202): I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god (202): you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary http://tfl.nu/3z0i
  Replies (27) Good night (1329) Bad night (371)
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  (310): View more from California

  its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off

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  (310): its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off http://tfl.nu/w0tm
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??

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  (603): Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame?? http://tfl.nu/gyhi
  Replies (15) Good night (4519) Bad night (435)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  His pubic hair was longer than his dick

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  (636): His pubic hair was longer than his dick http://tfl.nu/f6nh
  Replies (69) Good night (1145) Bad night (26600) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.

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  (623): she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five. http://tfl.nu/kcej
  Replies (22) Good night (4438) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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  (443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq
  Replies (11) Good night (938) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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  (519): dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way http://tfl.nu/6t17
  Replies (17) Good night (1112) Bad night (3610) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

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  (203): I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole. http://tfl.nu/9iug
  Replies (17) Good night (1235) Bad night (3118) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund

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  (480): oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund http://tfl.nu/xo4q
  Replies (6) Good night (2768) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.

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  (617): My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning. http://tfl.nu/kt95
  Replies (24) Good night (5270) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?

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  (443): does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us? http://tfl.nu/0adv
  Replies (7) Good night (906) Bad night (3698) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.

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  (604): I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon. http://tfl.nu/c35r
  Replies (2) Good night (778) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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  (770): Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer. http://tfl.nu/3cyq
  Replies (3) Good night (1919) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship

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  (586): and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship http://tfl.nu/q3ik
  Replies (3) Good night (2471) Bad night (864)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.

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  (215): Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late. http://tfl.nu/c0zj
  Replies (0) Good night (322) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt

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