It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
