If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?