What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"