i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
