3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
