I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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