The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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