I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
