"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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