i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
