Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
