About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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