my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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