I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
