yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
