mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
