i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
