I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
