jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
