Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
