Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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