Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
