Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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