IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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