I met the friendliest cop last night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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