I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
