I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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